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There, the “dirty rich old man” is being exploited for his money, while the “gold-digging bimbo” is being exploited for her traditionally-attractive looks as a “trophy wife”. However, even straight relationships can be “ looked down on” if there is a big age difference between the partners. We know that, despite marriage equality, gay relationships do not have the social validation in lots of ways that heterosexual couples do, which is why heterosexual privilege in society is a real thing.
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The other question that’s also common is about how to handle an age difference in a relationship.Īge differences in gay relationships add another layer of potential stigma to gay relationships. Among these are questions about gay relationship situational difficulties that have to do with where and how we live, such as my previous article on gay men coping with a long-distance relationships. His clients are busy professionals, people of varied ethnic and racial backgrounds, LGBT men and women and clients from age 18 to 70 or more.As a very long-term (28 years) specialist in therapy for gay men, I’m asked often for gay men’s relationship advice, especially how to overcome some of the most common and classic challenges in gay relationships.
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is a Licensed Professional Counselor based out of Atlanta, Georgia. If we cannot imagine ourselves being interesting and juicy older guys someday, we risk creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. They risk clinging to a youth that inevitably fades away, usually before we notice it. Younger men who avoid the company of older men may have problems accepting the fact of their own aging. These men are in danger of becoming manipulative, embittered and isolated. When older men seek out younger men exclusively, they may be saying something about themselves - that they cannot find men their own age appealing, for instance, and that they secretly fear they are unattractive to others. The older man brings experience and wisdom to the relationship, the younger man contributes a different perspective and energy. These men find a complimentarity in their age divergence. Some of the most long-lived relationships I know involve men with a 10 or 15 year age difference. Some younger men prefer older, more experienced partners. Another way of putting it is that they are at a similar stage in life’s development. Younger men tend to hang out with other younger men because they have a good deal in common.
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But when we hold up a standard that says in effect “Only men younger than me are hot or worthy of my attention,” we are setting ourselves up for a great deal of unhappiness in life.Ĭompatible Partners – Review your matches for free There is no particular reason why a younger man should find an older man attractive - although many younger men do prefer guys older than them. I think the real ageism is the failure to find someone our own age attractive.
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I’d like to suggest a new way of addressing ageism in our community. Talking further, though, will often reveal that these guys aren’t interested in frequenting places with a more diverse clientele because they are only interested in young guys! Talking to them a bit more, it often seems that the “discrimination” involves finding that the younger men in these places aren’t especially eager to cruise or connect with them. I occasionally hear older men comment on the age discrimination they feel they have experienced in such bars. At some bars, a 35 year old man who walked in might be the oldest guy around. This is understandable - human beings often tend to hang out with people pretty much like ourselves in age or class or interest - but it can distort our perspective. No matter how much time you spend at the gym, the only way to stay young and buffed all your life is to plan on dying young.įor those whose main connection with the gay community is the bar and club scene, it is possible to live in a very age-segregated world. It’s true that many of the commercial images used to sell things to our community tend to suggest one standard of male beauty: buffed, hairless, white and young. Much has been made of how gay men are supposed to be obsessed with youth and not on intergenerational gay dating.